Maddie Connors' drink is a vodka martini w/ a twist

Every now and then I’ll be posting a microinterview with someone cool and hot and fun. This time it’s The Birthday Report’s Maddie Connors. Besides being a standup and journalist extraordinaire, Maddie will report out your birthday like you’re a true celeb. And who’s to say you’re not???

First, I wanna say how cool I think your substack idea is. How did you decide to do party reporting for normal-ass parties?

Thanks so much! Two years ago, I started reporting on events for the LA Review of Books, and it was such a joy. I met so many interesting people simply by going out at night. I was interested in writing about parties that same way — I think parties are a great way to see people divorced from job, status, and daily life. I’m also interested in how LA feels like a giant high school, and you can learn a lot about someone from the parties they host.

Parties are definitely a place somewhat removed from status/job/your daily life, but also people kinda love to bring those things back into the party zone. Like the way most people’s get-to-know you question is always “What do you do for a living?” We should come up with new ice breakers, y?

Yes! I once had a friend joke that he feels like more people would have shown up to his bar birthday party if he had more industry heat, which definitely feels symptomatic of a specific Los Angeles hyper-obsession with clout — which is impossible to define or measure.

Ugh that is devastating. And very probably true.

Where have you been in LA that feels like an escape from that industry groupthink? I feel like both you and I work hard to get into the nooks and crannies of this town.

I feel like the older I get, the more I appreciate having people in my life from all corners of the city. I recently went to a party where, frankly, I do not know what the hosts did for a living. Something vaguely tech related. I think there are a lot of people who think of their jobs as a means to an end and have lots of interesting hobbies to color their lives. I met a woman who works in public policy who is a jazz singer at night. There’s something really refreshing and exciting about someone who doesn’t overidentify with their job.

It’s that millennial curse. We were probably the most “monetize your passion”-pilled generation. It fucked our work-life balance, our identities, and it wasn’t even worth it because recessions keep happening and industries keep dying. I’ve had like 3 life’s passion careers at this point. Enough!

I very much feel you. Over the pandemic, I was watching The Sopranos for the first time alongside a few friends, and one of my friends reached out to me to ask if I wanted to start a Sopranos re-watch podcast. (Bless her!) But I became aware that I could just watch a show or do a ceramics class without trying to angle it into a strategic career move.

That’s a demon I definitely have not exorcized. I’m still trying to monetize all hobbies, but that’s partially at this point because I think it’s kind of funny to have endless side hustles? Ya gotta eat, ya know?

Speaking of, what is your favorite meal right now?

Oh my gosh! Like at a restaurant?

If you like, or if there’s something you’re obsessed with preparing at home I’m willing to listen.

I’m really trying to get better at cooking for myself, so slow burn on that. Over the last year, I’ve really become obsessed with ordering a classic pasta and lemon twist martini at red-booth, old school steak houses like Columbo's or even Taix. My favorite meal — and it has been for a decade — is yellow curry with sticky rice. There’s something about it. I would eat it three times a day.

k, much to unpack here. Let’s start with martini with a twist. That’s so counter to the current olive brine obsession. You rebel, you. Is it gin or vodka?

Vodka! You know what’s funny? I once had a vodka lemon twist martini at Taix and started crying, and I thought I was having a weird reaction to the alcohol, but I ordered the drink recently with a friend, and had a great time, and realized that yes, I was in fact crying because of the company (lol).

Hahahaha Semi-related, but one time someone ordered a vodka martini around me, then complained to the bartender that it was too strong. Baby, it’s only booze in there. I think of her often.

Hahahaha It’s easy to forget! It also just feels cool to hold in your hand.

I love martini glasses but I really shouldn’t be allowed to hold them. The spillage is insane. Have you ever met one of those dudes who think certain cocktail glasses are gay, and demands everything in rocks or pint glasses?

Thankfully no, but with my dating pattern, it’s only a matter of time. The only time I feel disappointed is when a glass is served in a coupe glass because I paid $17 for my drink to be served in a thimble!

Drink prices have really gone out of control. $17 used to just be casino prices, now we’re all in it. Tramp Stamp Grannys has $14 wells. Do you fw a coupe for champagne, or do you prefer a flute?

Champagne gives me a headache so I rarely drink it, but I would have to go with a flute if I did. What about you?

I think I saw Marie Antoinette at exactly the right time to convert to coupe. The montage to “I Want Candy” changed my RNA.

New topic: what do you listen to when you write? Do you have a playlist, or brown noise? Silence? Are you one of those gifted freaks who can write while watching trash TV?

I feel like this is Hack at this point, but I love Trent Reznor’s Social Network score for writing. I sometimes can listen to a song on repeat if I know the lyrics and it doesn’t distract me. Definitely not TV. I've even gotten irritated if I’m in a coffee shop and there’s too much going on.

What coffeeshops do you like in LA for writing? All the ones I used to like closed in the pandemic :(

Oh no! I love Woodcat in Echo Park. I’m friendly with the baristas and it’s not too cool in there. I like to work from The Semi-Tropic and it’s laptops off policy at 6 pm, so I feel like I have a built-in deadline. Of course, Village Bakery is a classic but I haven't been there in a while.

Semi-Tropic is good, love her. Saw the Green Book Oscars there, idk why that’s my reference point when I think of it.

I watched the election results there and it was harrowing. Also, speaking of birthday parties, my last birthday was there and the bartenders assured me that literally no one at the party was rude to the servers and everyone was nice — which is shocking because I know so many degenerate comedians.

Also because it was a threeway bday party and there were just so many people. Bound to be a few stinkers in the mix, right?

Oh absolutely! A toxic friend of a friend always manages to make their way to a bar birthday.